As a successful career woman and mother-of-three, Dr Claire Handby FCIOB MAPM (pictured left) had dealt with many challenges in her life, but her world was turned upside down when she unknowingly began experiencing the symptoms of the perimenopause (the time when the body makes the transition to the menopause).
In a bid to raise awareness of the perimenopause, she has shared her experiences with fellow Chamber member Kayley Wilson - you can listen to the full interview with Claire and Kayley here.
Claire says: “I had all these symptoms. Some were physical symptoms, but the biggest symptom was my mind. At times it felt like paranoia setting in, second guessing behaviours that I saw at work, as an example, which wouldn't have bothered me in the past or battling with very dark thoughts. It really started to come to the fore in a big way with the amount of effort I was having to invest in myself, to remain balanced.”
When a friend at work suggested to Claire she might be going through the perimenopause, she realised she had to take action so began to research the symptoms via NHS online to see if it could be this and the penny dropped.
“I had a massive operation when I was 38 to do with having my children, but I didn’t know this could lead to early onset perimenopause and no one told me either,” she explains, “also Davina McCall, the presenter, had started coming more on to my radar via my various social media channels talking about the menopause, she had a book out to shine a greater light on the subject. And I thought, I'm going to buy her book too.
“I went on the February half-term holiday and I listened to the first chapter of Davina’s book (preferring audiobooks to reading). I listened as the list of symptoms, in all these various ladies' voices were shared and I was like tick, tick, tick, tick, it was overwhelming to have found the answer. Thankfully, my GP practice had got a lot more digital now since Covid and I was able to text them from holiday saying you need to see me please, as soon as I get back from this holiday.
“I went in and I sat down with the doctor, and my first opener to her was look, I’ve become very well read on the subject of menopause with regards to what’s happening to me and I need you to know I am not leaving this room till I get the medication that I think I need. I said you can ask me any questions about my symptoms but on the subject of HRT I am convinced I need it, I have to get my life back I said through my tears, I’m a mum, a wife, a career woman, a daughter…… I cannot go on like this, I am struggling.”
After seeing her GP, Claire was prescribed Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) which turned her situation around. “The HRT was stabilising my hormones,” she says, “It does exactly what it says on the tin for me, I trialled different levels (like many women do all the time with the contraceptive pill), over a period of time, ultimately I felt like I was getting back into the light. From the moment I started on the medication, every day which went by, my symptoms began to lift. Confidence about my health and vitality, how I was showing up began to return, like stepping out from under a cloud.”
Going through the perimenopause made Claire re-assess her working life and increased the clarity over what her priorities were.
She says: “I started the HRT medication in the February and in the April I went away for a weekend with my husband, celebrating a big milestone birthday for him. I had a chance of reflection. I was at this crossroads and decided I needed to do something different.
“I had been paying for private executive coaching and the fundamental question that the exec coach asked me was ‘how much money do you need monthly to have a really nice life?’ No one had asked me that question before, so then I did my maths over several months. I sold a property that I bought before I got married that I’d been renting out. It gave me the financial buffer, I took the leap of faith and I was able to set up my own business which is what I continue to do now.”
Claire’s experience has inspired her to share her story so that more women (and men) are aware of the perimenopause, the menopause and the help that is available. Through her Chamber membership she met Kayley Wilson, who left her legal management career of over 20 years following her own menopause experience and now provides specialist workplace menopause training for all.
Kayley (pictured right) says: “I know for me the HRT massively reduced my symptoms, the majority of which were psychological. I went on a 12-week mental health decline, it was fast, having never had any mental health problems before, I was lost. Initially I started with breathing problems, then had my first panic attack and it all spiralled to a point where I wasn't the person I wanted to be. I didn't like her and I didn’t recognise her. I couldn't envisage continuing to live with this woman long term.
“But because I was a manager, I felt I couldn’t show any vulnerability, that I couldn't share with people. I felt I was letting people down, my children, my husband, my employees, everybody. That was the biggest mistake I think I made as a manager, keeping up a pretence that all was okay, when the reality was very different, I was scared! I always try and express to women the best thing you can do is be open and communicate when you are struggling with menopause symptoms, or with any aspect of life. I made a big mistake by keeping it to myself, which made my mental health a lot worse.”
While Claire and Kayley both eventually got the help they needed, they know from speaking to other women that not all GPs are sympathetic and they believe more training is needed here to collectively support the surge in understanding and progressive actions which can be taken to help more women.
Kayley says: “If you're a working woman, you may seek medical advice from your GP and you may seek support in the workplace and at times it's breaking down on both points. I think we’re having to educate ourselves as women and drive the conversation to get the support and help we need to re-balance our minds and bodies, once that’s secured the ‘world is back to being our oyster again.’ We’re having to be better informed for ourselves. But, also note the amount of information out there can be overwhelming, along with there being an issue of misinformation at times too. Online, some posts are being created that look like facts, when they are actually opinions and that is detrimental to Women's Health.
“Women are desperate for answers and they're looking for resources, and those resources are not always reliable. There has to be a link between workplace support and reputable, verified medical support.”
She adds: “I think it's really important that businesses make impactful change that's positive. It’s important to try and recognise that women want to thrive. Women want to choose - whether they decide their current career path isn't for them any longer and they’re going to pivot to something different (as Claire and I did) or whether they want to keep that career choice and continue with seeking more balance in their lives.”
Claire believes that it is now up to her generation to improve women’s rights when it comes to the perimenopause and menopause, just as previous generations fought for maternity rights.
She says: “I stand on the shoulders of giants, I got amazing maternity leave because of those women who went before me who were trying to keep hold of their jobs and have babies. It is for my age group now to pay this forward by speaking up, like I am, to say loudly this perimenopause and menopause situation is real, it can affect any female (whilst not all do suffer like I did) and support needs to be more visible, available and improve rapidly.
“I'd say since my medication is at the right level, I’m showing up the best I've ever shown up. I’m living my best life in terms of my vitality and my health, with being a mum to my children and working so hard as a career woman for my clients. Long may it continue, but I had to go and break the back of this health journey for a year.”
She feels the main thing that would have helped her was if the perimenopause and menopause was discussed more openly within society so that younger women knew what to expect.
“From my example, Women need to know that if you have an invasive gynaecological operation it could trigger your menopause in your 30s. We need to get educated and not sleepwalk into this stage of our lives, like we don’t any more regarding menstrual cycles. I said to my mum and my aunties when I had all these symptoms, ‘why have you not warned me that this could happen to me?’ and they just said ‘well, we just sort of had to get on with it’ Claire reflects it’s been hidden and spoken in whispers for generations, which needs to end.’”
Kayley adds: “Claire and I have both taken the same step forward. We've both chosen to take different paths working for ourselves and helping other women through sharing our real life experiences today. We've sought to find solutions and we both feel like it's empowered us to thrive in the work we do and at home. It has given us a sense of courage to speak up, in the spirit of helping others.
You can listen to the full interview with Claire and Kayley here.
You can find out more about Claire’s work as a Business Leader and Executive Coach, at www.drclairehandby.com
For information on the training Kayley provides visit Workplace Menopause Training Courses (changeitupuk.co.uk) – the website has a downloadable tracker and symptom sheets which you can use for workplace meetings and GP appointments.
The below resources provide more information on the perimenopause and menopause:
NHS - What are the signs of perimenopause and when does it start? (patient.info)
“Menopausing” by Davina McCall & Dr Naomi Potter (the book referred to in the above article).
Home - Dr Louise Newson – Menopause specialist providing free GP menopause training in UK
About us (wellbeingofwomen.org.uk) – a charity that looks at improving the health and lives of women and girls